Excerpt from my diary. August 2011. Warms my heart to read this. Hope it inspires you.
The first night.
The night I arrived at my college dorm internet wasn’t working and I didn’t have credit on my telephone card so I couldn’t message any of my friends that I’ve safely arrived. I felt so cut out of the entire world. My roommates still haven’t arrived so I was alone in a dorm apartment which was cold- both metaphorically and literally. Air conditioning couldn’t be turned off because that was the standard temperature in the building. I was freezing.
I am supposed to stay here for 10 months and all that I have is one big suitcase with exactly 23kg of what I thought was necessary for surviving until I start pushing the right buttons like back home in Belgrade. I was starving and had nothing to eat and I didn’t know whether I can drink water from the tap. I’ve been traveling for 15 hours and I didn’t remember when was the last time I ate.
After considering my options: laughing in order to feel better, crying so as to feel relieved, sleeping in order to recharge my batteries, go jogging until I relax, putting my winter jacket and staying in, I decided the best option was to take my jacket, open my laptop and start writing. And as I did that all the fears and worries were slowly starting to fade away.
Here’s one excerpt from my personal diary from the night of the arrival:
- We have landed. During the day I didn’t have the feeling that I am traveling to the US. So far away from home. I felt calm and sure of my way. It was all about the journey, not the destination, and my journey was finished in Belgrade. I’ve got the scholarship I wanted at Montclair State Business School and now it’s time for me to start a new journey.
- Although the room is spacious as my room at home, this one doesn’t feel so. I know I’ll make it that way eventually. At least for now, I can fake it (home) until I make it (here).
- I feel that I am not alone, although I don’t know anyone. I am not homesick, although I am miles away from home. I am far away from my easy life back home with my family and friends. But I feel great about it. I am capable of doing things I’ve never dreamed of.
- I don’t have so much money, I don’t have half of my wardrobe, shoes, bags, accessories, but I don’t feel I am in lack of sth. or that I’m missing out on sth. All I need is being here with myself. And I’m not talking about new high heels or the latest fashion handbags. I am talking about my inner self. My dreams, goals, desires, plans, knowledge- it’s all inside of me and no one can take it away from me. There is no extra baggage claim considering it and you can bring unlimited amounts of yourself anywhere you go. Your memories, friends, stories, and all that make you who you are- it’s all inside and you can never forget one item at home because you are home. Home is not where your things are it’s where your heart is. And my heart is here, right now.
I hope you enjoyed this post.